The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

So how the hell do you drink coffee? I have avoided it for over 30 years with the occasional Starbucks but after a can of coke, a can of mountain dew, coffee seemed to step in line. That and the fridge was out of coke and other things to drink.



But how do you drink it? First it's boiling hot which sucks. Second you have all this extra crap you have to put into it. Coke is easy, a little ice and if your not working or handling firearms some rum too. Ok so a lot of rum and a little coke but off topic.



So what do you put into coffee? There's a half dozen little pouches of powders. What no straight sugar? What the hell? Sense when did they start making ice cream flavors in powdered form? I mean damn, I just want to put something sweet in my drink.



Then there's creamer. Great why is it not in the fridge? Its cream damn it. When did cream start coming in a box and why is it powered too? What next powered cheese burgers at the local fast food joint? And the choices; why the hell are there so many flavors of "creamer" and can you even call it that? The shit is powder not liquid, cream is liquid, geesh.



So what, you throw a little of pouch ‘A’ in with a little of box ‘B’ and poof you have coffee? Ohhhh, lets get daring and through a splash of ‘C’ into it too. What the hell am I making a drink or a chemistry experiment? I might as well be a chemistry experiment as the little plastic stick you have to mix the concoction up with melts or at least wilts from the heat of the liquid.



Why the hell is it so hot? I need a glass stylus from my chem set just to mix the drink not to mention taking a drink from it burns. Damn, if it melts the stir stick why the hell do you immediately put the shit in your mouth, it’s bloody hot.



No wonder people go to a store and point to a board with a list of fancy names and have someone else make this shit for them. Holy crap coffee is complicated. Coke is easy, keep it cold, pull tab, enjoy. Kind of like a grenade but you don’t need to keep them cold to enjoy their effects. But coffee, geesh, you need a damn recipe and instruction manual to make this shit.



And how many cups should you drink, cause this 6th cup is really making be jump around a bit kind of like a small blue, 4 armed alien bent on mass destruction that gets mistaken for a dog or koala bear.



Coffee…. Fuck…..